SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I thought when death occurs, it is suppose to make you feel closer to the people around you. Death happened and I never felt so disconnected from the people around me. I honestly don't understand why I'm feeling the way I am.

Yes he was my uncle but I wasn't close to him.

He was married into the family.

And to be completely honest, not too many people took a liken to him.

But for some reason his death is bothering me and I wish I can pin point exactly why. I'm annoyed at everyone, I even snapped at a couple of people today...though I do feel like someone has to tell them about themselves, it wasn't the right time especially since we had company over but it is all build up frustration and I couldn't hold it in any longer. Besides, if people feel like they can talk to you however they want to, especially in front of company I think that it is only right that you let them know, don't let your ego get the best of you. You're not going to talk to me however you want to.

I'm always polite to people. Always. I rarely tell people to shut up and mean it. I don't boss people around. I believe I deserve that respect. Talk to me. Don't yell at me. I'm not your kid. I'm not mommy. I'm not going to put up with your bullshit. I don't feel sorry for you. You can cry a river about all the problems you're having but you're not doing anything about it, you won't get any pity from me.

Stop thinking people owe you anything. They don't owe you a damn thing especially if you're not doing anything to deserve it. You're not a little boy anymore. Grow the fuck up. If you do not like your living situation then do something about it. Make plans to go away to college, look for an apartment, save for an apartment. If you hate that you don't have a room of your own then do some thing about it. Stop sitting here bitching and moaning and feeling sorry for yourself. Stop trying to make your problem everyone's problem.

FUCK!

I'm so upset and I'm not sure why I'm letting this get to me. I'm stuck.

I'm stuck between taking care of myself and taking care of my family.

Life Is A Drag

My current facebook status is "It's way too many people here on my day off.", expressing my frustration with being surrounded about people even if these people are my family members. I can't think clearly because they're loud voices are blocking the process. I'm around people 5 days a week, I look forward to my 2 days off where I can isolate myself from humans altogether and be by myself and think in peace, especially since I feel I've been disconnected from life lately. I can thank that to a certain someone who has been occupying my thoughts. 

Speaking of that certain someone, I've decided to finally talk about him on my blog that is. Since I don't trust anyone else to explain my situation to without having to hear their advice or their comments, I'm going to let it all out on my blog. It's not as if I don't have people I can talk to but all I want to do is talk while they listen. Just listen to what I have to say...help me get my frustration out and hopefully I can put everything in perspective on my own. Unfortunately that is impossible now and days because everyone wants their voices to be heard. Make them feel significant in one way or another, I guess.

I won't talk about him now because I'll probably get so wrapped up in the post and before I know it, it's 3:00pm and I have to get ready for my lesson. Expect the post when I get home though.

Alright, I'm out for a couple of hours. I should be studying these notes before I actually go to class, don't want the teacher to think I'm a slacker, though I have a legit reason why I haven't been studying. I work 50 hours a week and my mom stole my book, lol. Excuses already, I know. 

Also I'm going to repost the quote from last night because I think it speak the truth. 

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself"

Think about it. 

Frustrated

Fucking A, why is it so hard to find a pair of nice looking black high top sneakers? My feet grew out of nowhere so all my footwear are too small, expect for my uggs which are DONE! and my pradas which I can't wear every day. Everything else is too fucking small on my feet. It's such an inconvenience when I'm trying to get ready because I can't throw anything on, I have to make sure it looks okay with my footwear. I have to actually pull out a couple of outfits and match them up with my sneakers and if I don't like the way they look then I'll take it off and try something else on! So annoying! Considering I'm the "get up and go" kind of girl. Anyway before I went to work this morning, I had my mind set on purchasing me 3 pair of sneakers. I had 4 different stores to choose from. The first store I went into had some nice sneakers but not exactly what I was looking for. It was already set in my mind to purchase a pair of all black high tops. High tops because it's still semi cold outside and I need to keep my feet warm since my uggs are like dead. Seriously, you should see those! Disgusting! Anyway of course all they had were these bright ass colors. Appropriate for the spring, I guess. The guy kept suggesting certain shit but he had a heavy chinese accent so I couldn't make out what he was saying, I just kept shaking my head and smiling, pretending that I knew what he was talking about. Anyway he then walks up to me with a pair of all black shocks. There weren't high top but they weren't low either and I've been dying for another pair of shocks. So I tried them on and of course they didn't fucking fit! He then tried to show me some all black converses but I passed. I still had 3 other stores to check. I wasn't going to settle just yet. 

The next store was a couple of stores from the pervious one. I walk in, completely dead. I stand around for about 2 minutes and walk right out. Everything was ugly. 2 more stores to go. I walk up a couple of blocks and head into Macys. There were a pair of coach sneakers I was eyeing for months. I walk down to the shoe department, look over at the coach section and they didn't have the sneakers I was looking for. I look around for a couple of more minutes,  hoping something else would catch my eye but nothing. Fail. I throw on my earphones and head out to the next store. The next store was Foot Action. They're a sneaker store, so off the bat you would think that they had a wide variety. Nope! They didn't have shit in there. That store is so unappealing. Clothes hanging off the rack, everything out of order, dirt everywhere. Not well kept at all. That alone would make a person want to turn around and walk out. But I stayed, waiting for an employee to come over and greet me, the proper way. Instead I got "DOES ANYWAY NEED SOME HELP" from across the sneaker store. Unprofessional. And then some bird ass little girl walked into the store and kept staring at me, like she had something to fucking say. So I just stood there 2 extra minutes, waiting. Nada. What is it with girls and the need to stare at you? Do they think they're intimidating? Am I suppose to somewhat be afraid of a girl that's half my size in my own hood? Fuck out of here. Girls. Hate them. 

At the end of the day I came home with nothing. 30 minutes in the street wasted. This is why I much rather purchase my things over the Internet.