inspiration needed.

Lately I haven't been inspired to do anything. I haven't been taking pictures, I haven't been looking up schools to attend this fall, I haven't been careful my money, I haven't been going over my music, my days off consist of lying in bed all day with my laptop in front of me and  looking up gossip blogs about celebrities. My last 2 posts proves this. The last book I read was "flowers in the attic", I have no money saved and I definitely haven't been enthusiastic about going to work. I've been extremely lazy and easily distracted. I wish I could identify what's causing me to feel this way but my mind is a total blank and if I can't identify the cause then how am I ever going to fix it or prevent it from happening again?

Maybe I'm thinking way too hard about this. I'm probably feeling this way because my period is coming, lol. Or maybe HE has me so distracted that I don't know whether I'm coming or going. Or it could be that I am recovering from this disgusting cold or the lack of vitamin's I have been consuming. Who knows. All I know is that I am need of inspiration and I'm not too sure where I should look to seek it. Help me damnit!!

On another note my mother is back! Usually around this time each year herself, her best friend (whom is my aunt) and my biological grandfather take a trip down south. I'm not too sure where they go exactly or what they do but when she leaves we sure as hell miss her. The house isn't the same without her. No cooked meals, no one is really home, kitchen stays a fucking mess, people usually runs out of money and there is usually a fight within a few of the family members. Most recent, my grandfather and his two daughters. Yes you heard right! My brother, nor I or my sister indulged in a fight this weekend while my mom was away! Shocked!? Yes, I am too. I'm not even going to get into what the fight was about. Matter of fact, I will. Money, money, money!!! My grandfather money goes missing and think it's my aunt who stole it. He goes and tell his oldest daughter in confidence about the situation and what does this conniving lady do? Tell her!!! So of course my aunt goes off on my grandfather, talking about she doesn't need to steal anything from him.....blah, blah, blah...this, that and the third. From my understanding he doesn't say much when she goes off. In his mind she stole the money and nothing she say is going to change his mind. Later that night I go into his bedroom and give him a couple of dollars so that he can get to work the next day, he thanks me and then explains the situation. I can't help but notice how sad he looks. He doesn't look like he wants to fuck up the world but more disappointed than anything. So messed up. I have my personal opinion about the whole situation but I won't express it just yet. What I have openly expressed though is the disappointment in aunt mickey and the fact that she would do such a thing knowing it is going to cause more harm than good. I seriously want to understand what was going through her head when she felt the need to tell her sister that. She knew the outcome couldn't be a good one and she knew that someone would get hurt by it. What I want to understand is which one of them was she trying to hurt? I'm so glad that my grandfather stayed cool through the whole situation when she was breaking down because believe me knowing how hot headed he is, it could've been a lot worse. 

The drama never ends. I need to escape this.