BLAHNESS

Yes the title of this blog is blahness because that is how I am feeling at this very moment. I'm tired yet I don't want to go to sleep. I want to listen to my ipod but I'm bored with all of the music on it. I'm trying to download some new tunes but for some reason limewire doesn't want to work properly...I guess I shouldn't complain about a free and illegal software...

Also I've been asking my co-workers (ones that has bar tended before) whether or not should I attend a bar tending school. I got a yes from one of my managers and then a "fuck no" from another. She said it is a waste of money. Then I asked one of the bartenders and he said some words. I couldn't make out what he was saying so I just nodded my head and kept smiling. Then I asked the bar manager himself and he told me "no." Like my other manager he said it was a waste of money. He advised me to train there at the job. Come down to the restaurant when I'm off and spend a day behind the bar. He then he went on to explain that he hardly hires anyone who has been to a bar tending school. They look for experience. Sounds good to me because a week before that one of my co-workers actually offered to train me behind the bar; he didn't even know I was seeking to become a bartender. I hope he was genuine about it and not using that as a line to try to get with me, yuck.

The not having to pay for training is good but I'm still not sure if I want to let someone at the job train me. People know me there. Well they think they know me. When they hear that I trying to become a bar tender or see me training behind the bar I know what their respones are going to be. "WHAT!? SHANAY'S LITTLE SISTER IS TRYING TO BECOME A BAR TENDER!!!" To them I am this nice, quiet girl who doesn't go out or have any kind of fun. Someone even calls me a nun at the job. So badly I want to be like, BITCH YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE!!! (If you saw the preview to "Baby momma" then you will find that line funny.) But it's true they don't know me or what I am about. Yes I'm quiet but that is only because I have to get use to my surroundings. I don't go running my mouth about my life to people I don't know or say the wrong thing and offend someone. When I am quiet I am observing you, your actions. I want to know what kind of person you are so I know what's appropriate to say and what is not. For example I only cuss around certain people. You can be my age yet I won't cuss in front of you because I figure you are not the kind of person who likes to hear profanity. And if you are that kind of person, I'll say all kinds of words...Words you have never even heard of.

Another example I'll listen to you talk about what kind of music you like and with that information we'll talk about that. I like learning about people and their lives, I don't talk too much about myself.

I hardly go out. Yes, that is true. I mean I'll gladly go to the movies or out to eat. Hit up a museum or go sight seeing, those are things that interest me. Me at a club? Probably not. Why go to a club if I don't like to dance? I'll two step, I'll grind but to go out onto the middle of the dance and start popping my ass is something I won't do. If we can go out to a club have a good time, laugh, dance and whatnot, leave without there being any kind of drama then I am all for it but knowing this place things will not end up like that.

As for house parties, I don't do. One way to get in, one way to get out. No thanks. I also have to feel comfortable to act myself around you. If I don't feel comfortable then I won't say a word.

Also and this is an important fact I WORK IN A FUCKING OFFICE!!! I'm isolated. I'm not out on the restaurant floor because I have no business out there. My job is in the office and that is where I remain throughout the day until I'm done with my shift. No need for me to hang out there after work. A lot of them do only because they go to the bar and drink. Again I am 19, I can't drink!

People judge me too quickly. I know why am I complaining? I was described as a nice person, who wouldn't want to be a nice person? Being called a nice person is terrific and humbling. It's just a lot of people associate the word "nice" with "boring" and that right there irks me. Just because I am a nice person, doesn't mean I am a boring person. I'm witty and sarcastic, I do goofy dances, I'll start stripping in the middle of the living floor. I rather walk around naked then to wear close. Again it all depends the level of my comfort and if I am use to you. I'm not a show off and I don't like being the center of attention, I just like being me. Who am I? Have a conservation with me before judging me and putting me in a box and you'll find out.