A Piece Of My Mind

"I'm having a problem within myself. That problem is, I believe I sleep too much and I'm beginning to think that life is passing me by while I rest my eyes. Awhile ago, I use to love to sleep or close my eyes and try to fall asleep because I'm eager to find out where my mind will take me but now I'm finding it extremely hard to escape reality. I'm forced to live in the now and plan for the later. There is no more fantasy. It's time to grow up."

I wrote that awhile ago but again like a lot of my writing, it didn't get finished. And I again, I don't think I am going to finish it. Woot!

Distance Feeling

I haven't felt this way about a person in a very long time. I'm talking about since 9th grade when the school bully wouldn't leave us the hell alone.

That feeling would be hatred!

Yes, yes I know, hate is a very strong word. So let's call it a strong dislike. I have a strong dislike towards a certain person and it's a weird feeling. I seriously haven't felt this way in such a long time. It feels rather silly and immature and I'm trying so hard to eliminate these feelings but nothing I do, good talks, jokes, I mean nothing I do seems to work. This person has definitely gotten under my skin and I don't like it one bit.

I do not having a problem with pulling certain people out of my life, especially when they're so irrelevant to begin with. I pride myself on having the ability to ignore people and it not having an effect on me at all.

For some reason I can't seem to do this. To be completely honest with you, I think it's because I actually do want to like this person despite my ill feelings. I'm not having much success with this. I can't be fake. I can't ignore the bullshit.

And for some strange reason I feel like I should be the one to call this person out and that's not in my character at all. Come on, timid, shy Oneka, telling someone how full of shit they are? That doesn't sound like me. Usually I could care less but something is yarning inside of me, the need to save those who has fallen victim of this professional bullshitter. I'm over it.

The crazy thing is that I've been trying but it's an uneasy feeling, knowing damn well that I'm not fond of them.

Maybe I'm just being a bitch?

No.

I know exactly what it is, I'm paying these hoes too much attention.

Beautiful

I went to the movies last night and while waiting for our movie to begin, this trailer came on. All our attention was focus on this preview, I think it's safe to saw that it took our breath away. It's simply beautiful.

As I Think Back

As I think back

I wonder if I should regret more

I wonder if lessons were ever learned

and if I'm actually moving forward

As I think back

I wonder how I got here

I wonder about my past

and if I should try to remember more

As I think back

I wonder how my life have changed

I wonder about my happiness

And if I am proud of myself

As I think back

I wonder what I've could've done

I wonder how I avoided certain situations

And If I'm content with my decision.

It's that time of the year again.

It's that time of the year again, I refer to it as my happy time.

But this time of year, I'm not feeling too peachy.

I wouldn't say that the spirit is ruined but when you have a lot of other things on your mind, it can get sort of hard trying to remain happy 24/7.

Though I haven't been writing in my blog, my thoughts are currently in my cell phone, expressing almost everything and everyone I feel uncomfortable about.

I started calling them chapters in my life. So far I'm up to chapter 6 and I'm working on chapter 7 and 8. I'm not too sure if I'm willing to share that though, a lot of it should remain personal.

A lot of things I want to write about should remain personal, especially since people know about my blog.

I know, I know, they aren't sitting by their computer waiting for me to update but still, knowing that people have came across this, read my thoughts is a little more than scary.

But then again this is my blog. For awhile I even considered this my home.

I should be comfortable in my own house. Well that is not the case anymore.

Damn

Who can you trust if you can't trust your family? People are beginning to show their true colors or maybe they have been I've just been too oblivious to notice it.

I see now and I see clearly.

I'm fed up and I just don't want to care anymore.

I so badly just want to go off right now and it's not the time.

Not yet anyway.

......

As of right now my life is at a stand still.

Don't worry, I'm in the process of moving pretty soon.