I need

In my last post that I decided to delete I stated that I feels like I'm missing something and I don't know what it is. I feel so out of place right now, like everything that happening right now should be happening but I'm not suppose to be here. It's a weird feeling. I need an answer to a very important question, problem is I don't know what the question is. I need some thing right now, I just not too sure what I need. Or maybe I need someone and that someone is nowhere to be found. Who the fuck knows what's going on anymore. People are dying left and right, no one is who they really seem, shit never goes according to fucking plan and you're going to end up getting hurt even when you do everything in your power to protect yourself. What the hell is the point of life? If everything about it is so negative. Constant negativity, temporary happiness. Why would anyone want to live through that? It's breaking my spirits down. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I need to be doing something. Something productive. Something great. Something that I can enjoy and wouldn't mind partaking in this fucked up world only because I'm doing what I love. I need a reason to be here. A reason to keep me smiling even when the rest of my day seems to be horrendous. I want that so bad.