My Last Post

My last post was all over the place. With spelling errors, random rants and words not making any sense...Yeah I'm pretty sure it makes people think I am a complete idiot. I'm not, I promise. I was just typing away. My mind and my hands couldn't connect with one another. Therefore I typed out things just how I saw it in my head, not paying attention to my mistakes. I was thinking about retyping the entire thing but restricted myself. With the misspelled words, not using proper english, it is a perfect piece. Perfect because it was how I was feeling at the time, how my mind was racing and I couldn't get a grip on my emotions. I was all over the place. Right now I'm content. After witnessing something so tramatic, being with him one minute..helping him get into the car and whatnot; to having to turn back around and find out he is slowly dying...That would fuck anyone up. But I'm okay. Well as okay as I want to be. Though I'm scared shitless about death and really want to explore that topic more on my blog, I'm afraid to. Afraid because I have to come to terms with that one day my mom will leave us, she won't be with us forever. Then eventually my grandfather/father, my sisters, my brother, my aunts, my cousins will go as well. I'm not sure in what order but I don't think my little heart could take it. Blah, I don't even want to get into this topic right now.